A Rather Surreal Ramble On The State Of My Appetite On This The Last Day Of The Year

Well I wrote a long and heartfelt post about food last night then promptly deleted it.

And search as I might, I'll be damned if I can find it.

But having just fed myself a delicious New Years Eve dinner of smoked salmon and capers with  toast and a crisp salad full of pomegranate seeds and avocado with peels of parmesam I felt the need to revisit last nights thoughts.

I have a complicated relationship with food.

I love to eat, I love to cook for others and I adore being cooked for.

But when it's just me for me, things get a little looser. A little lighter. Maybe an egg, with some cheese, in a tortilla, with a few slices of avocado.

After GG left food lost its appeal.

By the time Superman moved in I was heading toward invisible.

But surrounded by his love of cooking, eating and feeding me something began to stir in my heart: a feeling of guilt.

I had to reciprocate, so I started with a frittata. It wasn't great but it was a beginning.

By the time he left last December I was nonchalantly whipping up an asado negro for football Sunday.

When he moved out my interest in cooking drifted away.

I'm sure if you asked Elle or the little doctor what I had for dinner they would shrug their shoulders but maybe mention whatever it was, I wrapped it in a tortilla.

Don't get me wrong, take me out for Thai, meet me for sushi or call me up for fish and chips at the pub down the street and I'll match you bite for bite.

It was home cooking for one that had me stymied.

But over these last few months, I got my mojo back.

I don't know where it went or why it returned but I'm happy to report I'm treating myself like a favored guest.

Christmas Eve I declined all invitations and cooked myself a little rare filet, tossed a salad and grilled some bread spread with olive oil and garlic.

I sliced half the filet, sprinkled it with Maldon salt and devoured it. Then I did the same with the other half. And it was good.

I have cooked beans, soups and chili in the freezer.

I have a pantry full of grains and vegetable drawers full of well,vegetables.

And most importantly I have an appetite.

So my New Years resolution is to keep cooking, for one. And to keep blogging for sanity.

Oh and to travel more.

Gus resolves to get me up earlier and travel around the neighborhood more.

 You?