Tuesday, September 23, 2014

How to Effortlessly Throw A Simple Luncheon ( A Novella)

Hahahahahha. Go read Martha. I don't know.

If you want to do it the hard way, read on.

First beg invite Susan down from the Cape to celebrate the Bday.

Then invite 18 to 20 other friends to join us.

Find a tempting recipe by Sam Sifton and decide that it sounds easy and will feed many without a great deal of work.

( insert laugh track)

Susan arrives Friday. We head out to eat Thai food and idly discuss the menu.

Get up early(ish) on Saturday, bask in the sun, drink coffee, make shopping list, be surprised Indian butter chicken actually includes butter. Lots of butter, and heavy cream.  Express amazement. Susan begins to worry. Did I even read the recipe through?

No.

Start at farmers market, purchase $$$ cream and $$$ tomatoes for salad. Go to Starbucks. Drive home to drop off cream but find road construction going on and such confusing detour instructions decide to drive on to large Oriental market to get vegetables and spices.

Make a stop at the Vietnamese shopping center for lunch, find Moon festival in full swing.
Carry heavy plastic bag of $$$ heavy cream into restaurant. Ask them for more plastic bags and please put in cooler till we've finished lunch. They kindly agree.

Eat delicious lunch, retrieve cream and reach market in spite of my directions. Other driver very unhappy with our turn. Lets Susan know it.

Enter market where we load up on mangoes, mustard seeds, fresh herbs and bags of onions. Susan is carrying the increasingly heavy bag(s) of cream. Ice beginning to melt. 

We make it home. Unload. Head out for Trader Joes and Whole Foods. Forget rice. Remember rice.

Pick up $1.00 tablecloth from drycleaners. Originally a slightly stained, highly wrinkled linen mess, for $20.00 it is now a thing of beauty, luckily other flea market find good to go. These cloths and that damn recipe were inspiration for party.  Direct Susan to gas station, apparently bad directions again. Second man yells at her. We whiz by gas station. I finally speak up. Weren't we going there I wonder? We laugh hysterically, time is beginning to speed by.

. Grab Starbucks, drive home,unload groceries, settle down in front of TV to relax and watch a little college football, drink our coffees and eat yummy fruit scone from farmers market.

Phone rings, it's the flower shop. The party I booked for next Saturday the 27th, is this Saturday the 20th. Have panic attack. Susan starts car, we arrive at shop at 5:30, driver out the door with 25 arrangements by 6:30.

Stop apologizing and go home. Check out rash on stomach. Hope to hell it's hives not shingles.

Run out to World Market, buy napkins, pick up pizza, go home. Water plants in dark. Eat pizza. Marinate pounds of chicken thighs. Susan chops onions. They are so strong she wipes eyes with paper towel. Towel so abrasive she ends up blackening her eye. Very carefully cut mangoes for chutney, realize no sugar in house, Susan runs out to the Giant, no one yells at her. Chutney ready at 11:15pm.

Take half a valium, go to bed.  

Sunday morning. Good God. Susan starts chopping pounds of onions, 12 tablespoons of ginger, innumerable gloves of garlic.  I water garden, cut flowers from everyone's yards, fill vases, clean up patio, pick peppers from neighbors garden and tomatoes from my garden. Susan chops peppers and burns the tips of her fingers so severely she has to keep Googling ways to stop the pain.

While I start to cook, Susan and little roommate bring chairs down from attic and up from basement. Two 9 foot tables already in place, 20 chairs at the ready. Carlos, my neighbor, comes over, cleans back deck, moves bags of soil and mulch from front patio to under deck. Brings over folding table for buffet. I run the vacuum and mop kitchen floor, Susan chops vegetables for salad as I shower. I make salad dressing while she showers.


The former Mr. Baby and mother arrive with bottles of wine, beer and bags of ice, plates for appetizers, Mr. B's father arrives with samosas and other Indian nibbles.
 Suddenly it's 2:00, show time.

We greet, we laugh, we talk, we eat. Chicken disappears. Chutney applauded. Friends have made 3 birthday cakes. Three I tell you, carrot, raspberry almond and apple. Big bowl of whipped cream with raspberries. Singing, pictures taken, phone numbers exchanged, a bit of gossip too.

7:30 it's over. The dish and clothes washers full, chairs back in attic, cats back in house, feeling back in Susan's fingertips, rash definitely hives. Whew.

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.


I get by with a lot of help from my friends.

And a box of coffee from Starbucks.


( Thank you all for your birthday wishes. Sorry you couldn't join us. You could have brought your own chairs. And forks)

41 comments:

  1. hahaha - great post. So glad these crazy things don't happen only to me. Sounds like a weekend you'll never forget and that's a good thing! Lovely cakes.

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    1. Glad to hear they don't only happen to me too! Delicious cakes.

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  2. Fantastic recap of an eventful birthday weekend. It sounds wonderful, Jane! You really have some great friends! xo

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    1. I have the best friends. Even Susan, who is numero uno, remarked on the big hearts (and appetites) around the table.

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  3. I did think of it.Seriously! But the airlines had a major hissy-fit at chairs being checked as carry-on. pfft.

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    1. Well next year, we'll provide you a seat. But you still have to bring your own silver. Oh, and wine glass.

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  4. Reading this was *almost* like being there. I was holding it together until the paper towel and black eye mention ... I'm sorry, I giggled. Sounds like it was all perfect!

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    1. In retrospect, that was funny. It was all funny. Well except the forgotten party...

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  5. So pleased I'm not the only one who breaks that golden rule of never trying out a new recipe for the first time when expecting crowd for dinner. I need Susan to be my friend too. Hilarious story - you tell it so well. I'm coming next year!!

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    1. Do! And we can recover my sofa while you're here! For that I'll introduce you to Susan.

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  6. What I learned from this is to buy stock in Starbucks: SBUX. Next year, another talking card for you, fellow Virgo! I'm glad you had a great party!

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    1. Happy birthday to you too sir. It was a fabulous party. But I'm no Martha...

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  7. LOVED reading this. I wonder, was the butter chicken good?

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    1. Butter chicken delicious not not one bit spicy. Susan and I are still wondering where all the heat from the 8 peppers went. Stuck to her fingertips?

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  8. I can't believe I missed this (and the three cakes!!!)! Sounds like you had a pretty eventful and fun birthday!
    I'll try to send you a French maid next time, it'll be more useful.

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    1. We lamented your absence and your accent. Plus we could have had 4 cakes with you here!
      Hit return button for Sophie. Xo

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  9. I laughed and laughed, such an hilarious story, but it is so true. We invite sometimes 18 friends for dinner too and it's always hectic but so satisfying when we can look back on a superb fun evening.

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    1. what still gives me nightmares is that i had thought I could pull,this even if Susan hadn't come!

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  10. Oh my. I am exhausted from all the twists and turns. Looking at your gorgeous pictures one would never know the real story.

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    1. Never let them see you sweat is my motto....but you guys? Truth comes out.

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  11. What crazy wonderful fun. Sometimes birthdays can slip by without much distinction. I'm sure this one will be one you remember in the years to come.

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    1. That it was, and no indeed I'll never forget this one. Susan won't let me!

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  12. I have 24 coming for dinner next Tuesday. Clearly I need to lay in the Starbucks well ahead of time. Love that tablecloth!

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    1. OMG, shall I fly out and help you? Need anything?

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  13. Made me anxious just to read! But clearly it all came out beautifully in the end:). Happy birthday, again.

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    1. I know, i work up about 2:00am Sunday morning and fussed and worried till about 4:30.

      It's hard when you're the one that made the mistake.

      Damn this being human thing!

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  14. Any day you get in two trips to Starbucks is a winner! Glad you had a good birthday and that Susan survived her weekend with you!

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    1. I know, first after surgery care then birthday madness, Will she ever return?

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  15. Sounds wonderful but hectic and the cakes look delish!

    ps If you haven't had shingles, seriously, get the shot. I've had shingles and it was not fun.

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    1. I am trying ti get shot, but first I had poison ivy, then excema from drying skin out with poison ivy treatment, now hives. My co worker got shingles about a month ago, trust me, I really want the shot!

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  16. Whew! I got tired just reading this, but
    it was well worth it for the entertainment valued. What would you do if we all actually showed up there next year? :-) Btw, does Carlos field trips? What a great neighbor.
    Hugs from afar,
    Diane in Chrysanthemum
    and sunflower land Denver

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    1. If you all showed up? Put you to work of course:-)

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  17. p.s. Forgot to say I love the Thai Moon Festival mask -- intriguing!

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  18. A wild and wonderful ride! Thanks for taking us all along with you.

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  19. Jane...wonderful friends, good food, madcap birthday weekend fun! What could be better? Happy, Happy Birthday...a bit late, but filled with good wishes! Smiles...Susan

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  20. Loved the recap . . . sounds like me getting ready for a big party. Glad to hear it was happy and friend-filled! You deserve it.

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  21. Happy belated birthday Jane! Looks like you had a fabulous party!

    Madelief x

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  22. If anyone deserved three birthday cakes, it was you. And Susan. x

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  23. Oh,how I wish you lived next door! I would have helped if only I had been invited. Happy Birthday from Northern Ca.

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  24. where's my damned comment? where did it go?

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  25. Oh, How fabulous, I loved (and laughed through) all of this! Three-cake birthday girl! How special are you!! Belated birthday greetings from Blighty.

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