Wednesday, November 20, 2013

Meanwhile The World Goes On


I wrote a lovely thank you to y'all last night. And then Blogger ate it.

But the feelings, if not the post, remain. Thank you, thank you, thank you for your replies to my last post.

I do heed your comments and emails. I take your words to heart, not to scare you...

I often share with you before I do my flesh and blood friends.

Then fired up with courage, I dare to speak of lost love and broken hearts and just how bad a kisser that woman really was.

Laughter is the best medicine. And a spoonful of children and a puppy help the sad go away amazingly fast.

I still haven't heard back about the volunteering for T'day, but my dinner plans are set.

I'm going with Mr. Baby and his drivers/ caretakers to his great aunt's house. There will be 5 people I know and 15 I've never laid eyes on.

A perfect blend of something old and something new. Just what this first solo holiday cries out for.

And then the wave of Christmas work comes crashing down upon us and I will be swimming madly in a sea of sap and glitter and orders, listening to the same damn CD's we've been listening to for years.

I'm getting my ducks in line pre madness. Today I got a hair cut and blonded, tomorrow I get an MRI (like how I sneaked that one in?) for my rotater cuff.

Little Ms. Claustrophobia shudders even she writes those initials. Dear god, I already stared fear in the eye last month. I have to do it again?

What a year. And not a single friend has any time tomorrow to come with me. Even S-man is working a rare day shift.

Xanax will be my BF on this trip.

But it is an open MRI, so it shouldn't be quite as scary. Am I right? Has anyone ever had one?

Tell me quick. I have till 2:45 tomorrow to chicken out.

I'll take pictures.

xo Jane



You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
for a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.
Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,
are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting –
over and over announcing your place
in the family of things.”
Mary Oliver

42 comments:

  1. Lovely. As I'm sure is your blonding.

    I wish you all the best for these holidays. The trick for MRIs is to Close Your Eyes and never open them, ever. Then remember that there is going to be loud bonging in your ears for some time. I have some claustrophobia too, and I survived.

    xoxox

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    1. Good to know. I like hearing from survivors. Gives me courage. xo

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  2. Gosh I love that poem. Tears... I was supposed to see her speak tonight, but we received word from the venue that she was ill and could not attend. She's given so many so much, I really hope she's okay. I'm sending brave thoughts your way for tomorrow. Take care, Denise

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    1. Thank you. Taking your thoughts with me. Holding them close.

      i hope she's all right. What an opportunity that would have been.

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  3. Open MRI's are better than closed, that's for sure. Just remember that the time will pass-doesn't matter if you are freaked out, or if you are totally calm, it will still pass.

    The holidays, when faced differently one year compared to another, are a whole 'nother kettle of fish. Just do what makes your heart half-way happy, and let the what-ifs sluice over you when they come-which they will. Meanwhile, read more MO. And some Merwin, too-they are always good for what ails the soul.


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    1. Advil for my shoulder pain, poetry for my soul. Yes.

      don't know Merwin...will check out.

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    2. Bill (W.S.) Merwin is one of the best poets writing in USA today, Jane. Hes quite nature-oriented & has a lovely spirituality to him. i will send you selections.
      Diane

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  4. You're in luck, cookie! Open MRI was devised for claustrophobics. Just close your eyes and pretend you're a famous actress, shooting an important scene.No retakes allowed in the budget! http://www.diagnosticimaging.com/mri/claustrophobia-mri-open-scanner-v-wide-bore

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  5. Jane, I love you and your bravery. I always like the world better, after I've read you blog.

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    1. You have just made the sun shine on my day. thank you.

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  6. Wish I could be with you, my friend.

    Your Thanksgiving plans sound splendid, and I love the poem. In fact I have a post drafted with a Mary Oliver poem. Maybe I'll put it up and we can fill the cosmos with her words.

    I wish I was brave enough to voice my despair, but I'm listening for those wild geese.

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    1. I wish you could be too...it's not till 2:45...

      Please post poem. It would lift our hearts.

      Ah those geese...

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  7. When I am in the dentists chair for two hours having a crown I get into the "zone" a place that I find in yoga rather like shivasana lots of mindful breathing....good luck.
    At least your hair will be gorgeous.

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    1. When I am in the dentist chair for 2 hours I am on nitrous oxide, breathing deeply.

      But I know what you are saying and will hope to get there.

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  8. Open MRI's aren't as frightful...think of some new Christmas CD's.
    Those people you've never seen will like you and your new do :)
    That rose is gorgeous.

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    1. That rose is Cayenna. She rocks.
      Gonna be a long holiday season with me, huh?

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    2. Will keep you distracted in the MRI ;)

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  9. You can do the open MRI...piece of cake. I am claustrophobic too and need lots of Valium for the closed one- drug free for the open. good luck. Love your blog.

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    1. Thanks. Just the info I was waiting for. Can you come?

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  10. Never having had an MRI, open or closed, I can't help much, but as one who gets slightly sweaty with panic when the Marigolds don't come off easily, I can understand some of your fear....

    Fear is meant to be stared in the eye, mind you, over and over again, or we'd never get out of bed. You're good at it, and are going to be fine, I'm sure. Have a great Thanksgiving, and revel in all those new people you're going to meet! Then tell us all about it....

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    1. Panic used to be my middle name. Now it's becoming a second cousin once removed. I hope.

      I'm sure we'll be talking before Thanksiving, but you do seem to have taken up a new craft....

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  11. Jane... Sending you calm, and lovely thoughts for your afternoon. Mr. Baby, old and new friends = wonderful Thanksgiving! Sharing a favorite quote....
    “I give you this to take with you:
    Nothing remains as it was. If you know this, you can
    begin again, with pure joy in the uprooting.”
    ― Judith Minty, Letters to My Daughters --
    I wish you love and joy on your journey! Susan

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  12. Jane, take some Advil before the MRI, too. They hold your shoulder steady, and it may ache afterward - I've had two for my shoulder. Also, take a CD you love and see if you can play it. There will be head phones, but you may not care for their choice of music. It is LOUD, very LOUD - a sort of clanking. In some ways that is worse than the space. Also, close your eyes the entire time. Makes it much easier, and do whatever relaxation exercises you have.

    All that said, I hope you don't have to have surgery, but it is not the worst in the world. If it comes to that, send me your email and I will send you detail about how mine went last year and what I found that helped and what didn't. Good luck today.

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    1. Thanks Webb, I will keep you posted of the results. I think the dye injected in my shoulder was the worst part. I opted for earplugs, for all the good THEY did. xo

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  13. Dear Jane, thank you for the Mary Oliver poem; sent you another one via e-m this morning. By the time you see this comment, you will be done with the MRI & you will have conquered yet another obstacle. You GO, girl! "Good on ya," thats Navy-speak.
    Big hugs,
    Diane in
    (frigid) Denver

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    1. Ohh I saw pics of Denver while sitting in waiting room. I was simultaneously reading the poems you had sent. Nice synchronized moment.

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    2. Lovely thread here, Mizz Jane. wrote a new poem myself today, looking out on my snowy deck with its one brave Survivor Cosmos. I think of that bloom as FlwrJane.

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  14. Dear Jane,

    I almost missed your last post, but I hope you will find your knight in shining armour one day! Hope the MRI went well and you will be fine.

    Take care,

    Madelief x

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    1. Thank you Madelief. It went well. I was my own knight today:-)

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  15. Mary Oliver always gives me the shivers, even that most famous of her poems. She lives nearby, and I have been lucky enough to hear her read her own work and to sign some of her books for me. You have good taste—you knew that already.

    I hope you have a great Thanksgiving!

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    1. I hope you do also. Will you be in Harlem?

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  16. So sorry to hear things have not worked out in the dating scene. You do remember the saying...you have to kiss a lot of frogs.... Good luck tomorrow! I am claustrophobic as well; I appreciate your apprehension. So good to know is an open MRI. I will be thinking about you!

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    1. Happened today. As ever anticipation worse than the act itself.....almost.

      Open MRI's the best!

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  17. An open MRI sounds much better than closed so I think you will be just fine, hope the rotator cuff is also, painful little thing. You know we are always here for you dear Jane so don't fret, never alone. The Thanksgiving feast sounds like a wonderful plan, 15 you don't know, hm, who knows. Thanks for that poem, beautiful!

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    1. And I was, just fine that is. Though I was a wee bit freaked out about the shot of dye in my shoulder.

      Several people had to explain that one to me.

      I could marry that poem.

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    2. Glad to hear, hope the diagnosis was just fine too. Enjoy your Thanksgiving feast...I've been AWOL, not exactly by choice but this month has just flown by.

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  18. The idea of an MRI sent me into a crying panic. The worst part is what you let your mind do to you eading up to it. Once the Xanax kicks in, an open MRI will be like going to pet sweet fuzzy kittens. I was told I sang all the way home too.

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    1. I raced off to the best bakery in town, a mere block away from the Imaging center and devoured a pumpkin raisin cookie. Then I demurely sipped my tea.

      I took a cab home, not so sure about singing...have to call Red Top and ask.

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  19. By now you have been there and done that, re: the MRI. I kept my eyes closed the whole time...except I did allow myself one little peek just to see if it was as closed in as I thought. What a relief to know it wasn't quite as bad. : ) And yes, I agree the dye injected in an already very painful shoulder was horrid. Rotator cuff repair isn't the most fun thing to do, but once the healing has happened it's great to have the should back and working good. Good luck.

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  20. It must be over.. I've done both, the open is much easier. always use the blasted ear stoppers.. the noise can be bad.. but open should be ok. So hope and pray you are ok.love,Diana

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