Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Off With Their Heads

Conversation with a customer:

" Excuse me, excuse me ( voice rising) EXCUSE ME.  Do you work here"  I exit cooler with arms full of flowers.  I am dressed in a dirty apron, covered in glitter and pine sap and  woefully in need of hair cut and color and general cleaning up.  Let's hope I work there.

" Yes, may I help you".
"I want to order a centerpiece".

" If you go to the front counter someone will take your order".

"No I want to talk to a designer".
 " Yes, how may I help you".

"I want a centerpiece, but I hate your centerpieces". " But I don't want to go anywhere else".

" So you want us to make you a centerpiece but you hate our centerpieces?"

" Yours are all squashed down", gestures rather wildly.

" So you want a loose, airy centerpiece?"

"Yes, with those big yellow roses but in red".

 So, you want a loose, airy centerpiece", now I'm gesturing also, " with yellow roses but make them red?
" Yes, and white also"

I'm feeling very Alice In Wonderland at this point.

Today is the winter solstice and a full moon.

Definitely a down the rabbit hole kind of day.


  1. OMG, you make me laugh so hard, Jane..!

    It sounds a lot like having your house on the market: "Yes, I LOVE your house, but I want it to be all on one level. And I really love the style, but I am looking at it on a sunny day - maybe it will look different on a cloudy one. And what if I need an extra bathroom? Could you make that happen? And the one level thing - yeah that, too. I may consider it then, because I just LOVE your home."

    Just stopped by to wish you a most wonderful holiday and happy new year, with no crazy customers that think they know what they want - but don't.

    much love,

  2. Well bless her!
    Jane the really scary thing is I understand where she was coming from!!!!!!
    When I go to a new coffee place I look at the coffees on the table, go to the counter and say...I am a bit fussy with my coffee so please if you could make it exactly 65 degrees with half and inch of froth on top I would like one!!!!!
    I had to read this post to hear myself...I will never do it again...I..pr..om..ise!! xxJ

  3. and I thought it was going to be a GREAT day!

    Enjoy today!

  4. I guess there's a good thing in there somewhere - that she wanted YOU. It's a pretty backhanded compliment, tho. Am sure you made something lovely for her - anyway!

    Perhaps tomorrow will be better.

  5. Dear Jane,

    You had me LOL!! It must have been difficult to keep a serious face :-)!

    Enjoy your evening!

    Lieve groet, Madelief

  6. She sure sounds like a lovely customer. Ha! Some people need to realize, if they are a little nicer in the world they will actually feel better. They need to learn it can be a purely selfish endeavor, just a way for them to feel good, yet still, we all feel better. I know when I'm crabby I just feel icky, it feels much better to be nice.

  7. Funny funny funny..... I needed a good laugh today, thank you.

    BTW, isn't that tree a little underdressed? Just sayin'.......

  8. I read this and though "I must send poor, busy, nice beleaguered Jane a bunch of flowers." And then I though "perhaps not." May I order a centerpiece too, please? It's not actually for a centre, but I'm sure you'll work around that.

  9. And if you could gift wrap a super-airey one in spun gold to arrive in Hertfordshire, England by yesterday that might possibly be good enough!! Ye Gods, you have the patience of a saint, it must be all that good news and joy still circulating in your veins!! Hats off to your graciousness Jane.xx

  10. I think the lovely lady got hit with a double dose of the holiday crazies!!! Scary thing is there are so many more "out there" just like her!!! Keep smilin'!!!

  11. Maria, Merriest of Christmases to you too! God, I'm going to have a sore lip from biting it the rest of the week. xo

    Julienne, I'm always double checking whether or not the barristas really put skim milk in my coffee or not.....

    Janet, i could probably do a post like this every day.

    Sarah, today was!

    Webb, her arrangement goes out Thursday, lookout world!

    Alison, crazy,no?

    Madelief, i just kept thinking, who would believe this?

    Denise, so true. I know my sense of entitlement has gone way down in response to this kind of behavior. and I do feel better.

    Rachel, Underdressed? God no, remember I have a gay boy in charge of the decorating. We're lucky we can even see any greenery this year! and last year it did fall over...

    Mise, I feel you would be more reasonable, then again.....certainly funnier.

    Belinda, No one has ever called me patient before,SO HOW DO i DO IT? I just think to myself, this will make a GREAT story!

    Susan, Is a grimace considered a smile? Cause if so I'm a veritable happy face!

  12. You'll show her airy in red and white, won't you ? :-)

  13. jane.

    welcome to my world!!!!
    retail hell.

    but it is not supposed to happen once you get out of the city limits of boca raton.

    i am sorry for your 'full moon-ed' retail experience.
    but.....i love YOU.

  14. Classic! I wonder if the customer knows how crazy they sounded?

  15. Jane,
    Wow, I always think of florists as heavenly-where customers are kind and designers are well paid for their efforts!What a funny exchange. I sure hope you get to rest for a while over the holidays!

  16. Don't be confused Flowerjane...!! When I wrote my last post it was the night of Christmas Eve so Santa was just starting his rounds here in Australia!! It is now as I type this Christmas Day in the morning - HAPPY CHRISTMAS!!!XXX Now to the interesting pile of presents under our very small tree that Mr SE has given me - Hooray (sorry, I mean that S. Claus has brought!!) XX

  17. At least you didn't get compared to a grocery store. Holiday customer in my shop - "I consider you guys to be in the same league as Whole Foods."

    I know she meant it as a compliment, but.........