Wednesday, March 26, 2014

Frozen

Okay, so this is not my story.

But it's a story that has affected me deeply.

And where else do I process my feelings but right here...

GG, remember GG, comes from a family with a long history of cancer.

Months ago she tested positive for BRAC2.

Today she had a double mastectomy.

She has come through the surgery well and Mr. B's mother just text she was off to get her some food.

An appetite is a good sign says the woman who subsided on saltines and ginger ale  for 3 days after her own surgery.

Luckily I had a steady stream of information coming my way all day and a visit from her father and sister at the shop this afternoon.

I wished I could have been part of the hospital waiting game this morning.

But we all had a good cry when we got together.

It's been over a year now since we "conscientiously uncoupled"  but my heart doesn't let go so easily after 8 years together.

We've had many sad, angry, and awkward moments to get to a place where we have dinners together, watch movies, go shopping and help each other prepare for our respective surgeries.

In AA meetings it is suggested we take what we need and leave the rest.

I guess I need a friend who knows me inside out, upside down and shows us all how big her brave is.

Now that I've shared this maybe I can resume my normal blogging.....

I've had a stone  lodged in my chest for the last week.

Tonight I hand it over to you all.

With every word I have (and haven't) typed I've felt the stone splinter into small and smaller pieces.

Soon I hope to breathe free.

And see a little damn spring.










31 comments:

  1. you are a good friend, and therefore you have good friends all around you. And a little damn spring is definitely called for!

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    1. Just talked to Susan on Cape Cod, 70 mile an hour wind gusts and a foot or so of snow.....we want spring and we want it now!

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  2. Oh my god. So hard. But good that she had the advance warning to make a choice. All the best wishes for GG, for you as always.

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  3. Oh Jane...love can be glorious...and very messy! It isn't possible to turn the real thing off without a glance backwards and regrets. You have evolved into a wonderful friend and GG & family are fortunate to have you in their lives. Sending good thoughts for her complete recovery. She was very brave to make this decision, but good to have the choice! Take care of YOU...hoping you are healing and getting stronger each day.

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    1. I am, painfully, thru PT getting better every day. Yes, action is so much better than reaction.

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  4. I am sorry GG went through this, and you as well. I knew something was wrong, when did we start reading each others silences? I remember GG as a very strong woman so I know she will be fine and get through this. I know you will too, yours and hers. XOXOXO

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    1. Oh she will, I went with 2 surgeries with her. She laid a brick path while in a cast and on crutches.

      And yes, I'll survive both, hopefully gracefully.

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  5. Not really sure I can say anything helpful....but good wishes for full recovery to GG and a big hug to you for being you. ((Jane))

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  6. Wow, what a difficult and brave decision. Wishing her a speedy recovery, body and mind. I hope you're doing well too.

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    1. I would like to say my operation pales in comparison...but there is no comparison. I'm living in the no pain, no gain of PT and there must be gain cause there's a hell of a lot of pain. But every day gets better and better.

      She's a trooper. Day by day, bird by bird, she'll do this.

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  7. This post really tugged my heartstrings, Jane. Thinking of you and sending you big virtual hugs! xo

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    1. Thank you, they're very welcome right now. xo

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  8. And through you, we feel we know GG too, and love her. There's a lot packed into this post. What a brutal situation she was in--and how courageous of her. I remember Angelina Jolie's piece in the NY Times--I was so impressed that she shared. I imagine it will be a long recovery, in more ways than one.

    I'm glad you and she are still connected, and her family too. That love will help her recovery.

    I'm ready for a little damn spring too.

    xoxo

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    1. I was uncertain about posting this but i feel so much better that you all know. Your words mean a lot to me.

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  9. There's a reason we never forget our first love ... and all the others. They always own a small piece of our hearts - whether we really want that or not. Of course, you want to be with GG! Totally normal. Braca2 is a tough, tough situation and I know you have been there every minute for her, and we are here for you. and, for GG. Fortunately you have a huge heart, with plenty to go around. huge hugs, Jane. It will get better, and easier ... some day. xoxoxoxoxoxo

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    1. Word, webb. Thanks for the huge hug, ouch, my shoulder :-)

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  10. You will survive gracefully my friend, as always. Tell GG I am sending positive healing vibes her way, she is a one tough cookie. Good on her for being proactive and kicking ass. Hope you are feeling well too, take good care of yourself. Will be in for a visit soon to the shop, I promise.

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    1. I will pass on your message Chrissy. J and M off to France for 10 days leaving Sunday...might be a good time for a visit?

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  11. Sending hugs, good thoughts and warming breezes your way!

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    1. Thanks Meg, afraid i might be sending you rain:-) but the hugs and good thoughts are gratefully accepted.

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  12. You two are equally amazing. It's no surprise you were such a good couple and no surprise you'll always be friends. Sending healing vibes for GG and you dear Jane!

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    1. Thanks, we can both use them...and we were a good couple. That put a smile on my face. xo

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  13. Damn, you've been through too much lately. I don't like it. It made me smile to know you two have come to that place where you can eat a meal together, watch a movie, shop, and be there for each other during challenging times. I'm not surprised. I imagine it would be near impossible for her to say goodbye to you forever. Stay strong, but take a break and be fragile as needed.

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  14. My heart goes out to you and to GG. And my best wishes and healing vibes as well. xo

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  15. Hope your friend will be ok! Thinking of her and her family and off you Jane. Take care dear friend.

    Madelief x

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  16. Thank goodness for loving friendship when times are as tough as this. I'm glad you told us. Warmest wishes to you both for speedy recovery and long-lasting good health. xx

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  17. Jane, I'll be thinking of you & GG, so glad she's in recovery time now. I had a feeling something was happening in your life. Hope you're feeling better also. Xo

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  18. It's so nice that you still have each other, even though you are no longer 'coupled'. Much love to you both xx

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