Oh Baby, Baby It's A Wild World

I was thinking about love actually.

I was thinking about all the people I have been in relationships with and left.

I was thinking about GG leaving.

I was thinking that each time I left for someone new, and there was always someone new ( I was a good square dancer) there was always an implicit promise that fueled the move.

That this new person would make my life better.

Maybe I would drink less, save more, find my place in life, stop being afraid they would leave me before I left them once the knew the real me.

Adopted children can carry quite a bundle of abandonment around with them.

But my bags just kept getting heavier and heavier as I carried this load from person to person.

One day, I had a moment of grace.

Twenty some years ago, I stopped drinking. No one could do that for me. And as that part of my life got better, I was able to handle the smaller things and eventually the larger with a newborn confidence.

I was able to make my own life changes without changing partners.
They weren't the problem, it was me all along..

This was my first solo Christmas in so many years.

And I'm so happy I decorated and lit candles and baked cookies with no other reason but to make my life full of light and comfort and goodness.

And to have something to blog about of course.

Funny that the person who made my life the way I wanted it to be was me.

Out with old, in with the new.

Wishing you all peace, love and understanding in 2014.

xo J

Happy New Year from Gus and Lucy too!