Tuesday, December 31, 2013

Oh Baby, Baby It's A Wild World


I was thinking about love actually.

I was thinking about all the people I have been in relationships with and left.

I was thinking about GG leaving.

I was thinking that each time I left for someone new, and there was always someone new ( I was a good square dancer) there was always an implicit promise that fueled the move.

That this new person would make my life better.

Maybe I would drink less, save more, find my place in life, stop being afraid they would leave me before I left them once the knew the real me.

Adopted children can carry quite a bundle of abandonment around with them.

But my bags just kept getting heavier and heavier as I carried this load from person to person.

One day, I had a moment of grace.

Twenty some years ago, I stopped drinking. No one could do that for me. And as that part of my life got better, I was able to handle the smaller things and eventually the larger with a newborn confidence.

I was able to make my own life changes without changing partners.
They weren't the problem, it was me all along..

This was my first solo Christmas in so many years.

And I'm so happy I decorated and lit candles and baked cookies with no other reason but to make my life full of light and comfort and goodness.

And to have something to blog about of course.

Funny that the person who made my life the way I wanted it to be was me.

Out with old, in with the new.

Wishing you all peace, love and understanding in 2014.

xo J


Happy New Year from Gus and Lucy too!
 


33 comments:

  1. Sounds like you're in a good place, Jane. May we all get there someday!

    Love,

    Sue
    xo

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    1. It's not so much the getting there for me, it's the staying there!

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  2. i love this post jane. i love that even though things may not be exactly how you want them you were able to enjoy the season. that is the story of my life! and my day to day challenge.
    so glad we me met, i'm richer for it. mucho love this new year - in any form it comes. x

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    1. Thank you Janet. Who said life was easy? Not us! But I'm pretty sure we said it was worth living well. xo

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  3. Wow, you have nailed something so fantastic. I'm wishing you the most wonderful 2014 with all my heart. Xx

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    1. Thanks for listening. Love to you this year and next.

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  4. All the best to Gus and Lucy, because behind every gifted woman there is often a rather talented cat.

    That was a lovely post and I wish the three of you a wonderful 2014.

    Jan x

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    1. Thank you Jan. They're resting up for new Years Eve I'm afraid.

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  5. I am so happy for you that you looked in the mirror and found the person that you are and have always been, the one that's true. I echo your wish to me for 2014, and not necessarily because of you, I need to meet the flying walendas! XOXO

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    1. That you do, and I think you're only a few hours away from all the excitement!

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  6. Boomerang! All good fortune to you, too,Jane.

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    1. T
      Happy New Year and good fortune to you also Diane.

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  7. There is so much that I relate to here.
    Happy New Years, my friend. 2014 will be a good one for you!

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    1. Dear god I hope so,,,good for all of us. Happy New Year Jen,

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  8. Jane, what a wonderful present to yourself...I'm so happy for you that you found your real strong beautiful self. Imagine what goodness it's going to bring and the places it will take you in this new year.
    I wish you all the best. ♥

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  9. Happy new year, and happy new YOU, dear Jane!

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  10. You've described a pretty successful year, i think. Great success in 2014. You just keep getting stronger and stronger. Xoxo

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    1. Actually I just described 20 some years. Don't think I had made that clear. But every day has counted.

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  11. Dear Jane, Still true, you make me like the world better! I am so glad you/us, are finding we have it in us. You are a beacon. Jean

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  12. Happy new year and abundant grace to you!

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  13. I think it takes a lifetime to make ourselves perfect. But maybe there's a lessen in that photo that we can also learn from...out on a limb and loving it.

    Happy New Year!

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  14. What Steve said! No truer words. Happy New Year, dearest Jane.

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  15. Jane, this is an astounding post. Your guts, candor, strength and constantly evolving wisdom, courage & independence just bowl me over. I raise my glass ( sparkling apple cider!) to you.

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    1. p.s., sign me, Diane in Denver
      but I think you knew that. What a beautiful & meaningful set of replies. You are loved, Mizz Jane. pbwy, D

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  16. What a great post, Jane, I'm rooting for you! You've got just the right attitude for good things to happen. Best wishes for 2014.

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  17. Perfect! Happy New Year, Flower Jane! xo

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