Wednesday, February 27, 2013

In Which I Wax Maudlin And The Kittens Try To Escape

Ouch. Wall of pain. Hoped to avoid hitting it full force.

GG is still living here, which makes life easier/harder sometimes? (Am I turning into Gertrude Stein?)

This weekend  while I am in Florida, GG will begin packing and moving into Mr. Baby's new house in Maryland.

The Lab goes too but we have an oral custody agreement.

When I need her,she will come. All I have to do is ask. Kittens are all well and good but nobody says "hello there" like a dog.

I am trying to live in the now but the now is sad. I look sad. My hair is droopy and I might be one tiny touch too skinny. 

Never satisfied am I?

Okay, let's take a minute and read my silver lining playbook: I haven't smoked, I haven't drank, I  haven't indulged in retail therapy, I haven't joined an internet dating site. I have a home, a job, the most wonderful friends, 2 glam kittens and spring is a coming.

This too shall pass.  Right?




Does anybody know when?
 
xo Jane











42 comments:

  1. Hang in there, Jane. It WILL get better.

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    1. xo A little dim sum wouldn't go amiss either jiohn.

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  2. Oh Jane! Hugs to you. Come check out some summer flowers if you like, I have a new one up today. Sending warmth :)

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    1. I did. Your flowers are just beautiful, esp that garden rose.

      Keep sending heat please. I'm longing to be outside without a hat and gloves.

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  3. Soon. Some warm sunshine and freshly squeezed OJ will do wonders!

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  4. It will, you'll see. Steve is right, nothing like sunshine to brighten things up. Have agood trip. XO

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  5. Yes, right! Just look at it one day at a time. Have a wonderful trip!

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  6. I'm not sure what to say. I've always been a disaster with breakups and break all the rules. One rule I tell my daughter and her 25 year old friends is to go 30 days with no contact at all. Everything said and done in the first 30 days is usually not good for either of you. When my marriage crashed (and was later resurrected)it took good friends to keep me busy, exercise with me and talk things through over and over. Busy is what you need to be. If nothing else bit distracting you, it will make you fall into bed exhausted, and I found at that time sleep was a relief from the pain. Love to you.

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    1. Wow. That is quite a tale. I think knowing we still love one another makes it easier to get through a day with kindness. Thank god for exercise and staying busy. I can get to sleep but I do find myself waking up frequently.

      I'll exercise more. good plan. xo

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    2. If you love each other, is there not a way to make it work. As someone who had thought my marriage was completely dead, we separated and then got back together (5 years now)and sometimes we say how we can;t believe how we go so off track. At one point while we were apart and I was a disaster, a vary good friend said to me "you love each other. Why are you trying so hard to make it work being apart when you could make a go of being together"

      Sometimes over is not over. Just because you reach a dead end doesn't mean you can't find a new route.

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    3. my heart is still open. cracked but open.

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  7. Jane, you did look very sad when I saw you yesterday. It's sad when someone we love leaves us, but what can we do, but let them go and move on. You are doing the right thing going away, doing something different and fun. If you can, stay away a bit longer might be good. Have a good trip. Soak up lots of sunshine. It will help you feel better.

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  8. Never know what to say . . . only know what I feel . . . I care tenderly for you and your loss . . . I like RAZ's 30 day no contact . . . I think it sounds like a very good idea!

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  9. So sorry. Had no idea that the break was announced, but not done. Hang in a couple more days and then you can take your trip.

    So proud of your no smokes, no booze, and lots of exercize routine. Someday you'll be glad you held onto your strength. Huge hugs ... huge. xoxo

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  10. Unquestionably. But may take 6-12 months:(. You are doing great, although it doesn't feel like it.

    So dreadful to have her around still.

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  11. that is right. it will pass. i swear it.

    i'm learning to live in the middle jane. learning to navigate the very highs and very lows. learning that the middle is calmer. ea day i strive for the middle. it makes getting out of the low seem more doable. you know?

    hugs, kisses. xo

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    1. I like that. My therapist used to tell me to try hit a 5 every day. a 1 is too low and a 10 too high.

      hugs and kisses back at you.

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  12. How long depends on you-wise words from my grief counselor a few years ago. I also second the exercise til you puke option and the no contact for 30 days rule. Wise words.

    Remember this, too-while you will be forever CHANGED, you will not be forever BROKEN.

    Hope time speeds up for you soon.

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  13. Oh, poor you, I didn't know your partner was still there. It will all pass.... When GG moves out, I'm sure you'll temporarily get low - but then I would have thought it would be easier to start moving on once you're on your own. Exercise sounds excellent; herbal sleeping tablets if you still can't sleep; getting away for short breaks; good mood-enhancing foods (brazil nuts, bananas, oats, sardines, etc); pray for sunshine! Thinking of you. X

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  14. I hope it's soon Jane. It seems a waste of precious hours, days and months to be sad over a broken heart, but there doesn't seem to be magic spell that can take it away instantly. Bummer about that! x

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  15. Nobody knows when. But it will pass, and you'll know it when it does. Meantime, one day at a time: gentleness, kindness, quietness, friendship, animals to love, fun when you can bear it, all are aids to getting through to the point when you know you're ok. You're doing so well, not falling back on the old props, and staying well. Enjoy your trip to Florida; we'll be waiting for your return. x

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  16. You're on the right track...a healthy one...and soon it will be spring and you'll be working in the garden....everything will be okay. I say that a lot, but it's true. Time heals.
    xo
    annie

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  17. Checking in to give you a virtual hug and to tell you that I'm proud of you. Have a wonderful time in Florida! (I'm right there with you in my hatred of flying. Just remember that it's a means to get to wonderful far away places, and try to forget the here and now while you're on the plane.)

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    1. Right, the means to a wonderful end.

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  18. It's a process, but you know that. You've suffered a huge loss, and you will grieve and feel all kinds of awful things, but there will also be times of happiness. Gradually the proportion will change until there are more times of happiness than grief and sadness and then it will be 70/30 and 80/20 and so on...

    But the best practical advice is probably one day at a time, and also being really nice to yourself. Treat yourself, indulge yourself. Fill your calendar with things do, such as eat ice cream, visit the library, buy (or make) cat toys.

    I'm so happy you haven't been drinking or smoking. I think you need some milkshakes.

    xo,

    Jen

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    1. a fun calender, I like that. things to look forward to...xo

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  19. I'm new to your blog life but can feel your pain. What has gotten my attention is she gets the dog AND the cats?! That's cruel.

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    1. Oh no, only the dog, the little crazies stay here.

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  20. I don't know when but I do hope soon. And you are right about a dog. I am still saying 'hello' as I come through the door, to my dear departed Maisie, she of the most marvelous greeting. Ours is a very quiet house.
    Sending you love from over the pond.

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    1. Oh I don't look forward to the lack of sound at all. xo

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  21. I join others in being proud of you for steering away from indulgent habits that will only delay how soon the clouds lift. I don't know exactly when you will feel healed (life's uncertain like that, no?). But I know what you're not doing and what you are doing (reaching out to friends, keeping healthy, being mindful of the fullness still in your life amid the heartbreak) will ensure that you get there sooner than later. Hugs for you.

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    1. Hi Ann, Thank you, thank you. very affirming.

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  22. I went back to reread your post and see when you were leaving...Two more days!

    Jane, I am proud of you for refusing to toss in the towel and smoke. You are incredibly determined and strong.

    As for your heart Jane, it will heal. I believe the hurt is an endearing testament to what was shared in your relationship with GG.

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  23. Hello Jane,
    just joining the others in admiring your strength and
    persistence. cigarettes are killers and alcohol is a downer, so stay on the right track. i think getting away to Fla for a
    few days will help immensely and you'll come back to a different home environment-- hopefully with more clarity,
    both physically and emotionally. and then, before you known it, real gardening, in the ground, and real Spring!
    Virginia in the Spring is so gentle, gracious and fertile,
    says this former Marylander.
    Stay strong and eats lots of fresh grapefruit off the tree, if possible!

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    1. you have just painted a very lovely future.

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  24. I know you don't need more advice, but here's more I use: try embarking on a new adventure through a new hobby or new volunteer activity. Plunge.
    Ray

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  25. Good on you, you have some strength girl! The last time I gave up smoking I went through a breakup and picked up a cigarette. That was more years ago than I care to remember and when I think about giving up now I think of you (in fact you're my poster girl. Not bad huh?). Have a really fabulous weekend, enjoy and keep strong.

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    1. ok, now I really can't smoke but you know how I am longing for one.

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  26. Yes this too will pass! It always does and you know that. Keep your chin up :)
    P.S. if you ever want to borrow Fifty, I'll ship him over. xo.

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  27. It will pass, it will. And the richness of all the memories will carry more joy than pain. But that doesn't help much now. I always think the depth of pain is the other side of the depth of love you gave and received - but I don't know that helps either. That you are not drinking or smoking is totally effing fantastic and we are all soooo proud by proxy! All I can offer is virtual hugs, virtual tea and cake, and my certainty that your future WILL be bright and colourful again. xx

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