Sunday, June 17, 2012

Reflections On What Was And What Could Have Been


We have two teens helping out at the shop this spring/summer. One is home from her first year in college, the other has just graduated from high school.

Both are confident in manner, self respecting and motivated with wicked work ethics.

Both seem to have close relationships with their fathers.

Is there any connection?  I don't know but I suspect there might be.

My father, whose nickname was Frosty, was as alpha a male as you could wish to meet.

My mother gracefully accepted beta status, I fought him every step of the way.

In retrospect I admit to being a big PITA ( pain in the ass, more flower shop speak).

In retrospect I bet he would too. I now recognize his flaws as mine.

I wish we could do it again from a different perspective.  Less struggle, more acceptance.


But I did take away a love of gardening, a love of the absurd and the ability to throw a party.

And I also learned to give to others, both time and money when possible, be there for your friends and that when it's time to put the drink down, put it down. Just walk away.

So today I'll both miss him and honor him by doing what he taught me to do best.  Yard work.  Off to the garden.

xo Jane







29 comments:

  1. Hugs to you. Frosty. My goodness.

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  2. Pita huh? I like that, weren't we all? Would be nice to have it all back. Frosty! Love that.

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    1. Were we all wild things? My high school friends didn't seem to be.

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  3. I think daughters were designed to be "pitas". Dads and daughters a special, but often volatile relationship. Enjoy your being outside today. Bonnie

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    1. Gosh I'm feeling less catholic guilt by the moment.

      I love feeling it wasn't just me.

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  4. Struggle makes for introspection and change. See, it worked! What a hodge-podge of struggle we are.
    Hats off to Frosties and Pushovers!!
    love, Shelley

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    1. So true Shelley. I got lucky I think.

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  5. Jane, well said. I am remembering my father today and honoring him with *my* thing - food. I'm cooking one of his favorite meals and baking bread - it just wasn't dinner to him if there was no bread on the table! And I'm recalling a few times (more than a few) when I was a PITA!

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    1. Oh God if i was cooking my father's favorite food I'd be overcooking vegetables:-)

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  6. We owe so much of our success and strength (or lack of both) to what we learn from our parents. Glad you dad left you such a strong woman, with all those skills. It's sometimes fun to see our parents in our actions or words.

    Hope you have a lovely day in the garden!

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    1. He did leave me strong though got here the long way. I did have a lovely day. You too I bet.

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  7. Hello Jane

    I was thinking today the very same thing. I would forget the differences and be accepting of both parents more. It is a pity the phrase "it is what it is" was not coined then.
    Cheers to fathers
    Helen

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    1. Isn't that the truth! Of course no guarantee anyone would have paid it any heed,right?

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  8. wow, love this jane. acceptance is key to everything in life. xo

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    1. Wish I knew then 1/2 of what I know now!

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    2. Right? There I was another rebel without a clue.

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  9. What a beautiful ode to your father Jane. Somehow I think it will reach him.

    Have a lovely new week!

    Madelief x

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    1. Thank you Madelief, what a nice thought.

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  10. Ah, you'll be giving me some money, you say? But no, this is too fine a post of yours for levity in the comments. Your grace and yard work become you, Jane.

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    1. Too fine a post for levity but not for wit, eh Mise? Thank you:-)

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  11. you have no idea how meaningful these words are...wow..that's all I can come up with at this moment.
    annie

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    1. When you find your words shoo me an email and tell me more. Okay? xo

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  12. "wish we could do it again with more perspective. Less struggle, more acceptance." That's the way I feel about my mother. My father was complex, difficult, but always accepting. I think that's key. I try to remember it with my own kids. I like your list of things you learned from him--wonderful important.

    xo,

    Jen

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  13. Hindsight Jane is always good sight but as you appear to have a lot of your fathers strengths so you would probably still clash, though patience and an understanding of those similarities is easier as you grow! But a gift of the absurd, the ability to throw a good party and a love of gardening is pretty wonderful legacy! xx J

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  14. My Dad was a gardener too...I can still picture him in the middle of the vegie patch...hoeing, digging, weeding, planting...often with the stupid cat by his side. He had a little plastic green house, before he got a real glass one, so he could bring his seeds on...apparently he stood inside of it one day during a very violent storm with strong winds that blew lots of big old gums down in the neigbourhood...any way..he rushed out..spread his arms and legs to hold it all together as the wind blew....wish I had a photo of that one. Miss him every day! Robx

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  15. All of that youthful debating made us who we are today. And we like who we are today, right?

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